So well said...

I've been living this out loud...

Challenge and Change by Sherry Mutcher TCF/ Appleton, WI

As I look back over the past six years since our son died, I realize
how much I have changed. When we talk about grieving, we often forget
to mention that we grieve, too for the person we were before our
child died. We might have been energetic and fun-loving, but now are
serious and absorbed.

Our friends and family miss the old us too, and their comments show
it. "Don't you think it's time to return to normal?" "You don't laugh
as much as you used to." They are grieving for the person who will
never be the same again.

Like the caterpillar that shrouds itself in a cocoon, we shroud
ourselves in grief when a child dies. We wonder, our families wonder-
when will we come out of it? Will we make it through the long sleep?
What hues will we show when we emerge? If you've ever watched a
butterfly struggle from the safety of the cocoon, you'll know that
the change is not quick or easy- but worth the effort!

We begin to mark our struggle from the cocoon of grief when we begin
to like the new us. When our priorities become different and people
become more important than things; when we grasp a hand that reaches
and reach in turn to pull another from the cocoon, when we embrace
the change and turn the change into a challenge, then we can say
proudly: "I have survived against overwhelming odds." Even though my
child's death is not worth the change in and of itself, the changes
and the challenges give me hope that I can be happy.

I can feel fulfilled again. I can love again.

Sherry Mutcher TCF/ Appleton, WI
~reprinted from TCF Atlanta Newsletter 2000